Free of Charge
by Zwip
Summary: [“Careful, you might rip that, and you know we don’t want that!” She turned to the archer, who was still unabashedly staring. “Right, Doumekikun?”] Pure crack. Consider yourself warned. And there's only one pairing that anybody writes for in this fandom.


Disclaimer: If I owned Holic, nobody would be able to understand what was going on.

This story is dedicated to a friend of mine, Jessu, because she said that she'd get back into fanfiction if I wrote one. Hehe.

"No." It was a calm, cool, and collected denial of reality. Of course, just because it was calm, cool, and collected did not make this reality any less real. In fact, that reality was sitting motionless in the chair across from him and when it failed to answer him he started wailing. "Yuuko! It's not fair! It's not _right_! Are you just trying to strip me of my manly pride or something?"

"Ohhoho!" The slightly evil response rang out from the doorway. "Life's not fair, Watanuki! Consider this a free lesson. It's not often you'll get one of these from me!" When the distraught boy looked up and over at her she resisted the urge to giggle and said instead, "Besides! Think of the sharp decrease of your debt to me if you wear it!"

"But-!"

"And if that's not persuasive enough, think of the sharp _increase_ to your debt if you _don't_ wear it!" She'd effectively interrupted his protests and silenced him and now he was wondering how she wasn't just flat-out _laughing_ at him. Knowing she'd won, she clapped her hands together. "And it would look so _good_ on you!" This statement was met with fierce bawling.

"You can't!" The desperation was just oozing out of his voice. _Delicious_.

"Oh, but I can! And," she grinned predatorily, "there are much worse things I can do to you. Bonds of fate, you know. You're really getting off easy with this." With that closing statement and a flourish she swept out of the doorway, closing the door behind her and leaving Watanuki to stew in his misery with his new mortal enemy.

Two hours. It took two hours for Watanuki to come out of that room, and Yuuko knew it hadn't taken him that long to put on the outfit. Granted, there were lots of frills and lace that he wouldn't want to rip or else he'd be indebted to Yuuko for life, but still. Two _hours_. It wasn't really worth it, she decided, seeing as right as he'd come out of the room and seen Doumeki sitting with Yuuko, drinking tea, he was hit with the dilemma of either bolting or curling up into a fetal position and weeping bitterly and neither of these, she noted, allowed for him to hear her while she ridiculed him.

Watanuki was a smart boy; he knew curling into a fetal position would end up showing more of his body than he'd like, and he also knew that Maru and Moro would have secured all exits, including the door into the room from whence he'd just come. Sure enough, he heard the click of a lock behind him and his heart plunged into a deep abyss from which there was no return. Of course, he wouldn't resign to his fate that easily.

As he sunk into a kneeling position (the only way to really keep everything covered) he thought maybe he _would_. Before the tears could begin, though, Doumeki spoke up.

"It looks nice," he said, tearing his gaze away from the maid-outfit-clad boy for a moment to give Yuuko a nod of approval. She smirked in response, maybe it _was_ worth two hours. For once, Watanuki really had nothing to say. He looked up wearily at both his boss and his life-saver, eyes wide in utter disbelief that his life could really be _this_ horrible.

"I'm not wearing this by _choice_," he finally managed to croak out, for lack of anything better to say in his own defense.

"Well, if you don't want to wear it, then you should take it off," Doumeki deadpanned. It took a few seconds before some gears clicked into place and Watanuki's jaw dropped.

"_Oh my god!_" He got up, arms flailing about wildly. He would have continued, but his ti_rade_ was interrupted by a ty_rant_.

"Careful, you might rip that, and you _know_ we don't want that!" She turned to the archer, who was still unabashedly staring. "Right, Doumeki-kun?"

"Right," he said, still not taking his eyes off of the now-still boy, because his head just so happened to be at the right angle and position so he could see-

"_Noooooo!_" Watanuki wailed, seeing _exactly_ what Doumeki was doing and quickly leaping out of his viewing range. _Damn_. "_Why?_ I'm stuck with some closet pervert and a closet yaoi fangirl – _don't think I didn't see those manga because I did and I didn't like them very much_- and to top it all off I'm in a _maid outfit_." He raised his hands to his face, tears leaking out in frustration or shame-maybe both.

"Actually, I'm pretty open about that," Yuuko fondly reflected on her secret stash of yaoi in the storeroom. She also mentally corrected him, it wasn't limited to manga.

"Closet, hm?" The archer looked to be pondering this deeply before he grabbed one of the shorter boy's arms and dragged him off in a random direction, ignoring the panicked shrieking.

"Third door on the left!" Yuuko called out helpfully. A door clicked shut, the turning of the lock followed it shortly. "Oh, and whatever you do, please don't rip that thing!" She was met with silence, which, in this case, was the best reply of all. She then turned on the live feed she had inside of the closet; did Doumeki really believe her when she said this was free of charge?


End file.
